How to use gender neutral language in your wedding (and why it’s important)
Even if you and your partner are a hetero couple, it's super important to still use gender-neutral language in your wedding ceremony. This is something I'm passionate about as a queer celebrant in Melbourne, and it matters for every couple, not just same sex couples or LGBTQ+ weddings.
Using heteronormative language is second nature to us. Heck, even I, as a celebrant, find myself thinking 'husband and wife' and then I'm like, 'wait a minute... I'm literally marrying a woman!'
But it's important to challenge those norms, and make an effort to switch to language that includes all humans and couples. Using heteronormative language reinforces just that. That heterosexuality is 'normal' and anything else is 'abnormal'. And using gendered language excludes our non-binary and gender-diverse friends.
This is something that sets inclusive Melbourne wedding celebrants apart, and something I prioritise in every ceremony I write, whether it's a queer wedding, a same sex wedding in Melbourne, or a hetero couple who simply wants their celebration to reflect a more inclusive world.
So here are some easy swaps to make your wedding more inclusive!
Instead of 'ladies and gentlemen' try:
Family and friends
Everyone
Sexy bitches
Or any way that addresses everyone, no matter their gender.
Instead of 'husband and wife' try:
Lovers
Soulmates
Partners in crime cringe (no judgement)
These aren’t just swaps for queer, same sex, non-binary or gender-diverse couples. They can be used by everyone (because they’re gender neutral… duh!)
Instead of 'you may kiss the bride' try:
You may now kiss
Time to seal the deal!
Now kiss each other you fools!
This also gets rid of that weird implication that it's the groom kissing the bride. You're both kissing each other!
Instead of 'marriage is between a man and a woman' try:
Marriage is between two soulmates
Marriage is between two lovers
Marriage is between two people who are so annoying no one else wanted to be with them (this one is me and my fiancée)
The takeaway
Small language changes like these are one of the reasons couples seek out alternative wedding celebrants in Melbourne who genuinely understand and reflect their values. Whether you're planning a queer ceremony, a alternative wedding, or just want a celebration that feels modern and inclusive, these swaps make a real difference.
