5 things you don’t actually have to do in your wedding ceremony (even though you might think you do)
Whether you're planning an alternative wedding ceremony, a queer Melbourne wedding, or just want to ditch the traditions - this one's for you. Here are my top 5 things people think have to be a part of a wedding ceremony (but actually don’t)!
Exchanging rings
Totally optional! And there's plenty of other rituals you can include instead that might be even more meaningful to you, for example:
Hand fasting
Planting a tree
Sand pouring
And if you do choose to exchange something, it can be whatever you want. Necklaces? Ring pops? Or even thrifted vintage band tees? Go for it, divas! Anything that feels like YOU. This is especially popular in same sex weddings and LGBTQ+ ceremonies where couples are already rewriting the rulebook — so why stop at the rings?
Walk down the aisle
Some people find the idea of walking down the aisle awkward as hell. And your venue might not even have an aisle to walk down. The good news is... you can totally scrap it! You can both already be at the altar when your guests arrive, you can pop out from behind a flower arrangement, gosh - you can be sitting in the audience and do the whole wedding from there if you so please. A lot of couples, particularly those planning non-traditional weddings, are also opting to walk down together, which I absolutely love.
Vows
Some people find the idea of bearing their soul to their partner in front of their family, friends and Jenny from work absolutely mortifying. Or maybe you're just not words of affirmation kinda people. The good news is, you don't have to write vows at all. Or, you can share them privately before/after the ceremony, which is becoming an increasingly popular choice, especially for intimate Melbourne ceremonies and elopements. Now, this one does have a caveat - you DO have to say the legal vows. But it's just a few words and your celebrant can guide you through it.
Say 'I do'
Nope! You don't have to say anything at all. If you choose to have your celebrant ask the question, you can answer however you like, for example:
"Fuck yes!"
"Yeehaw!"
"Affirmative!"
In fact, my fiancée and I are not saying 'I do'. We've chosen something else that feels more like us. But we're keeping that one to ourselves (you'll just have to wait and see!) As a queer celebrant in Melbourne, I'm a big believer in making every part of your ceremony feel authentically you.
Kiss
PDA not your thing? Or maybe there's another way you'd prefer to make it official? No problem! The kiss is not a requirement to make the marriage legal. And there are so many other things you can do. You can hug, do your super cool secret handshake, or even skip the kiss entirely and dance down the aisle as a new married couple. Gay weddings, lesbian weddings, queer weddings and alternative ceremonies of all kinds are redefining what this moment looks like. And honestly? It's so much better.
So… what DOES need to be included?
2 witnesses (they can be anyone over 18 that’s not you or your celebrant)
You need to say the legal vows: "I (your name) take you (your partner's name) to be my lawful wedded (spouse/wife/husband)"
Your celebrant must say the monitum (legal wording)
Signing the wedding certificates (this can be after the ceremony)
And that's it!
Yep, that really is it.
Everything else is a mixture of tradition, culture and societal norms and expectations.
If you're planning a same sex wedding in Melbourne, a queer ceremony, or any kind of non-traditional wedding, I encourage you and your boo to question these wedding traditions, to see which ones really feel like you, and which ones you're only doing because you thought you had to.
Your wedding should be exactly that. Yours. So have fun making it as unique as you!
